One of the hardest parts about becoming a mother (for me) has been the management of time. These days the majority of my time is spent getting to know my daughter, her cries, her smiles and cooing sounds, her body language, everything about her. We have reached a point in the last couple of weeks where I feel that I’ve finally gotten a handle on her and how to take care of her. Though each day still brings new things to learn. That learning will continue for the rest of my life, as a mum and human being, and I will always welcome it and see it as a gift.
It’s funny, I finally understand what I’ve heard mothers say for years. It really is easy to loose yourself in all this, to forget what YOU want or rather put aside what you want, what you love to do. And it’s been only two months.
I finally finished knitting a pair of socks and I can’t tell you how happy it made me. Almost as happy as seeing Kira smile at me. Some may ask how can I compare my baby’s smile to a finished pair of socks, you really can’t but…I hope someone understands what I’m trying to say.
Back to the issue of time, everything aside from Kira has become secondary but trying to arrange those secondary things into “order of importance” is the challenge. What do I do first? How do I triage those things. My biggest issue, what do I do with the “20 minutes” a day I can carve out for myself? Do I return phone calls, send thank you notes (for baby gifts), clean the apartment, cook a meal, take a shower, KNIT, read a book…? And am I being selfish for even wanting “time for myself”?
Oh and there’s the other issue…I’m still someones wife. (I”m also someones daughter, sister, friend, cousin, etc). I know there is some balance here somewhere….
One of the best lessons I’ve learned in the last 8 weeks, aside giving the baby a bath and not losing my grip, putting on the diaper so the poop doesn’t leak out around the legs and always bring a change of clothes for myself as well as the babe, is guilt is a waste of time. Easier said than done but so essential.
The learning and search for time continues…